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Over pleasing is as much an unfruitful attribute as idleness. Wherever you lie on the scale between these two extremes, you would have found yourself in the dreaded situation where you would need to cough up the word ‘no’. In an office situation, the dilemma becomes a lot more complicated.
Are you committing a corporate crime by turning down a supervisor? And what is the most non-offensive way to do it? Why would someone rather work themselves to the bone than declining more work? Some are afraid of disappointing colleagues or becoming unpopular. Many say ‘yes’ to avoid potential conflict. The key is not to perceive it as conflict. It’s not necessary to send yourself on a guilt-trip either. It is perfectly fine to turn someone down as long as it is gracious. Take time, consider the request and how it would affect your current workload, and if you cannot commit to anything additional, inform the requestor that the proposed project would negatively impact the quality of your current work.
An accommodating way to say ‘no’ is to follow it with an alternative. In the end, you have been asked because there is a problem that requires solving. It does not revolve around your ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer. All that matters is a solution. If you provide that, the ‘no’ will be long forgotten.
‘I am overloaded currently, however I can assist you with a system that will cut your resolution time by half’
‘I do not have time to assist but I can help you find someone who does.’
To a client: ‘Unfortunately, I have prior commitments today however I can clear my diary tomorrow to suit you.’
So when is it wise to say yes?
When you do have the time and the means to assist a colleague. We do not exist in a vacuum – we need each other’s help and the favour will be returned when you need it someday….and that someday is always sooner than you expected.
When your manager asks you to complete an assignment that would inevitably be a huge notch in your belt. Work additional hours to complete it if it will assist you to be recognised in your field or create growth opportunities.
When the job entails you learning something new or becoming proficient in another area/department. Knowledge is always a good idea!
Never turn down a junior employee who asks you to be their mentor. It is a huge compliment and the time you invest in developing an individual is invaluable.
Eradicate these reactions that people replace ‘no’ with:
The Over-justification: Don’t say no, then follow with a long account of why you cannot do it. Unconsciously, you are inviting the person to find a loophole in your argument and if successful, you would have no option but to accept anyway. Give a brief explanation that the time is not right or your present duties do not allow for it and spend more time finding a solution rather than relating excuses.
Beater-about-the-bush: Say ‘no’ firmly and assertively. ‘Naaah, I doubt it, I don’t think it’s possible, maybe, that is going to be difficult’ are phrases that give hope. This type will eventually lead to the push-over status.
The Push-Over: Recognise those who use flattery, over persistency, excessive smiley faces etc. to attempt to convert you. If you are currently saying ‘yes’ to everything, prepare to be over-worked, abused and irreplaceable. Sadly, irreplaceable means never progressing in your career. The ‘yes’ employee is easily spotted from a mile away and these people, as obliging as they are, will be mistreated.
The Cold Shoulder: It will not go away if you ignore it. A persistent person will just keep returning and others will be offended that you did not afford them the respect of giving them an answer. Send an email if you are uncomfortable with the art of declining however do learn how to face a conflicting situation head on for future. Depending on the request, it is advisable to decline in person.
The Offensive Colleague: Always be polite about it. ‘Unfortunately I cannot assist at this time,’ is a lot less offensive than ‘Forget it! NO! Absolutely Not!’ Don’t transform aggression into sarcasm either. Sarcasm only sounds witty to the sender, never the receiver. Non-verbal communication is as significant as your words. Be careful of eye-rolling, shaking your head and other gestures that suggest arrogance.
How to handle Money Loaners:
In and out of the office, this is arguably the worst request of all. The lending and borrowing of money amongst colleagues should be avoided at all costs. Your work (and other) relationships should be treated like fine china. It can easily be permanently damaged due to a conflict over money. This is an easy ‘no’. ‘I value our relationship too much to lend you money.’ Or ‘As a rule, I do not lend or borrow money’. If someone is in dire straits, assist them to loan money from a financial credit provider or an advance on salary. As a manager or supervisor, recommend extra overtime to enable your employee to earn more or offer advice if the person has a history of poor money management. If a salary advance is granted, it should be stated that this will not be commonplace in future to discourage comebacks.
Setting boundaries is a reflection of strength and self-respect and the first step is saying ‘no’ and prioritising. Ensuring you do not have too much on your plate starts with assessing the size of your plate. After that, ‘no’ will sound a lot sweeter!
“It’s only by saying ‘no’ that you can concentrate on the things that are really important.” Steve Jobs